Breakups make us feel lonely, kill our motivation, and leave us scared we’ll never find life beyond this pain. But if you’re in a rut now, it doesn’t mean this is the end.

If you feel stuck in heartbreak—or just need some encouragement to pick yourself up—don’t miss today’s new video. I’ll show you how to stop this breakup from defining who you are, and give you the first step to getting the confidence you need to start again.

Who you’ve been in the past does not define who you are today. You woke up the hero of your life today. Who you’ve been in your past does not define what you can do today.

 You didn’t follow through in the past? Who cares? That was in the past. You have new information now. You’re evolved now. You’re a new person now. You can make different decisions.

 Anytime you go through something difficult, a piece of you dies, but you come through and then a bigger you comes back.

 We have to get this idea out of our minds that who we are is this static thing. At some stage, you did new things, didn’t you?

 At some stage, you did something new that taught you something new about yourself, or you overcame something, or you handled stress that you’d never handled before. You handled grief that you’d never handled before. You dealt with a difficult situation or you dealt with a heartbreak you never thought you’d survive. You did something. You’ve been through things that have changed you.

 We’re afraid of the “old us” dying. We’re afraid of letting go of that, because this new person—this new woman who’s going to come back—what she’s capable of might scare us.

 That might mean doing some new things. That might mean change. So it’s easier to stay where I am. It’s easier to hold on to the old me.

 If we want to get to the next level of our personality—of what we can become—someone who is the hero of our life . . . someone who goes after what we really want . . . someone who stops caring so much what other people think and stops living life by what other people think, we have to start upping the stakes.

 So the only sustainable way to be a certain way is to go out there and say, “This is who I want to be. That’s why I’m doing it, because I can’t get to 90 years old and look back and know that I didn’t spend my life being this person. I’m not kind because I want kind [want to be liked]. I’m not sociable because I want a boyfriend. I’m not generous so that people will think highly of me. I do these things because this is who I want to be, because this is the person I’m going to be proud of in my lifetime.”

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